Today’s Daily Examiner quip comes from The700Level’s comments section, which offered this sound reasoning in regard to Penn State coach Joe Paterno’s unremarkable salary:

Yea but he’s so old he lost all concept of the value of money years ago. You could pay him in Cheese Doodles and he wouldn’t know the difference.

JoePa is Underpaid [The700Level]

Bill Conlin gets in trouble for inappropriate comments

Blogger who posted Conlin’s comments explains himself

David Oh won’t sleep until he fixes local politics

Inky circ director, be gone!

Lollapalooza may be here in ’09

Nach attackin’ on the latest sweeps

Attack of the Busfields!

Victor Fiorillo’s weekend of hairy-chested men wearing Speedos

BEANIE SIGEL(Thank you, b@c) NOW 10 PERCENT LESS BLACK : New album features Ozzy Osbourne and … James Blunt?

PA. WOMAN WINS TOILET PAPER SUIT: Judge awards woman $100 plus court costs over K-Mart t.p. tax flap

PHIL’S NEW UNIS ARE SELLING: Old-timey uniforms going over well with fans

GANGS OF EASTON?: D.A. says recent home invasion murder resembles a “gangland hit”

Ah, the promised wintry mix. The gaudy department store decor. The month of Law & Order reruns and stop-motion reindeer on TV. It all can only mean one thing: The dreaded holiday season is upon us. Enjoy yourself while you still can.

I’m guessing only one of them can get it up … This weekend, three very different shows featuring singers of the male gender hit town. My personal pick: the swaggering Tom Jones. Oh, excuse me, Sir Tom Jones, as his office in the UK pointed out to me. Sir Tom (at the A.C. Hilton all weekend) may be best known for his hit singles “It’s Not Unusual” and “What’s New Pussycat,” but they are child’s play compared to his balls-to-the-wall Thunderball. If Sir Tom exudes too much testosterone for you, there’s always the thoroughly asexual (and thoroughly magnificent) Vienna Boys Choir at the Kimmel and Bobby Rydell at the Keswick. Sure, Rydell hasn’t had a hit since more than a decade before I was born, but the high school in Grease was named after him, so he must have been pretty cool at some point.

Just what you need, more food … We may have lost Lollapalooza, but we will always have Latkepalooza. This year (the fifth annual), chefs from places like Bar Ferdinand and Marigold Kitchen will spruce up 3,000 or so of the lowly potato pancake. In case you lost track, Hanukkah starts next week.

What the hell is an Electric Boogaloo anyway? … I wrote off breakdancing a long time ago as one of those things that I think I would really like to do but will never actually do, and I’m fine with that (though I do remember doing a mad Worm at a drunken party in the ’90s). I would much rather watch the experts at work in the Kings of the Floor competition at Society Hill Dance Academy.

Yeah, but I get to bang Fran Drescher … I’m pretty sure that on my wife’s list of men that she could guiltlessly make out with if she just happened to be hanging around Phuket at the same time as him is Anthony Bourdain of No Reservations, the Travel Channel show where he scoffs down goat colon soup and mealworm pie. (Fran Drescher has never had a cockroach in her mouth, so I think I have the better deal.) He’s totally arrogant, which is actually what makes his show so good. See him be arrogant at the Free Library on Saturday in support of his new book.

And because I can’t decide … Bowling Against Bullets at Lucky Strike … (one of my favorite movies) Donnie Darko and cheap beer at the Troc … and 1812 Productions’ politically charged (and no doubt very funny) This Is The Week That Was at the Adrienne.

TASTE DAILY: Score the city’s best lunch deal here

GOOD LIFE DAILY: This is a designer sale you can’t miss

HEALTH: Deborah Heart and Lung Center takes care of patients — without asking them to pay

Former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey is embroiled in an ugly squabble with his ex-wife about the date and time of their six-year-old daughter’s birthday party. The still-gay-as-rain McGreevey and his partner planned to have a birthday party consisting of 20 kids, ponies and a face-painter at his house this Saturday, but ex-wife Dina Matos McGreevey says that’s her day to spend with their daughter.

Union County Superior Court judge Karen Cassidy decided the ex-guv can have the party, but then lambasted both parents in the courtroom for their unhealthy bitterness towards each other: “The hatred these two seem to have for each other seems to override the love for the child in my mind because it’s so out of control.”

Later, the judge said the situation was “sad” and said she felt like “the only one protecting” the kid. No word on whether Cassidy will have a hand in selecting the child’s eventual therapist and anxiety medication.

Judge scolds McGreeveys over birthday party squabble [CBS3]

HERSHEY’S DRUG PROBLEM: The front page story on the Daily News skewers Hershey’s new “Ice Breaker Pacs,” small sealed pouches of minty powder meant to dissolve in a person’s mouth. But as the DN points out, well, the “Pacs” resemble little bags of yayo. Even the police department is stunned. “It’s a disgrace to see a company selling a product like this and basically glorifying the drug trade. The best word to describe it is despicable,” said Philadelphia Police Chief Inspector William Blackburn. [DN]

PATERNO’S SALARY FINALLY REVEALED: Joe Paterno, the 856-year-old Penn State coach, isn’t as well paid as you’d expect. A court ruling declared his salary public, and yesterday it was unveiled: $512,664. Not exactly Cribs money, but Paterno crankily insists that he “makes other money besides that” and is still baffled why everybody has to know what he makes. Now quit that racket. [Philly.com]

TEAM NUTTER GROWS: Yesterday, mayor-elect Michael Nutter unveiled his board of ethics committee: Amy Kurland, Kenya Mann and Joan Markman. All three are attorneys with outstanding pedigrees and a nose for rooting out corruption. Nutter’s appointments show that he’s not backing down from eliminating the “pay to play” culture in Philly politics. [Inquirer]

MCNABB STILL NOT PRACTICING: Even though A.J. Feeley’s been taking snaps with the first-team offense all week, Andy Reid has yet to definitely declare him the starter. McNabb didn’t practice yesterday, but everyone on the team still maintains he’ll go “when he’s ready.” [Philly Burbs]

LIBRARY WILL KEEP GAY ROYALTY BOOK: A Lehigh County library will keep the children’s book King and King on its shelves, even though some residents are incensed by its homosexual story line. One furious mother said that when she saw an illustration of the prince kissing another man, she “was sick.” Nice lady. [KYW]

Today’s Daily Examiner quip comes from cocksure celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain, who spoke to the Philadelphia Weekly during a visit to promote his new book. Bourdain, a strident foie gras supporter and ingester, had some harsh words for the many protesters yelling outside local eateries:

“These fucking people are not really all about us not eating duck liver. No, no, no. They don’t want us eating any animal product whatsoever. When they win this tiny battle, they’ll move to the next one, like freeing the lobsters. These people are the worst kind of terrorists. And they must be stopped.”

Chef off and Die [Philadelphia Weekly]

Penn stuck with crime-infested bar corner: After last week’s shooting at strip joint “Club Wizzards” at 38th and Chestnut, Penn students expressed some concerns about the location and wondered anything can be done about it. Apparently not, as Penn has inquired about permanently shutting down both the Wizz and Koko Bongo, another trouble magnet that’s experienced a rash of violent crime recently, but it won’t happen because it’d be too difficult to shut down a club on a “public nuisance” charge for something like a shooting. Really. [Daily Pennsylvanian]

Villanova in the dark ages when it comes to humpin’: In a recent editorial in the Villanovan, a writer condemns the school for being antiquated when it comes to sexuality. The school ranked 135th out of 139 according to Trojan’s “Sexual Health Report Card.” The editorial says just because the school is a Catholic university it shouldn’t ignore the issues just to “save Catholic face.” Come on, ‘Nova. Give the kids some rubbers. [Villanovan]

At St. Joe’s, anyone can be student body president: The Hawk examines the growing apathy of Hawk Hill towards its elected student officials. Maybe it’s time to dismantle the whole system and give the student body some real responsibility and power, outside of picking the band that plays during homecoming weekend. [The Hawk]

Boozin’ Owls: The Temple News reports on the increased booze scrutiny the university is facing in the wake of the notorious Diamond Street speakeasy raids last month. Campus police are crackin’ down on keggers and frat parties where underage students are attending. [The Temple News]

PHOTO: Inquirer

Philadelphia Media Holdings, the parent company of both the Philadelphia Inquirer and the Daily News, has replaced circulation director Mike Proebstle with relatively recent hire Jim Gregory.

The timing of Proebstle’s departure is particularly curious: The Inquirer and Daily News were among the few newspapers in America to post small circulation gains when the latest industry figures were reported early this month.

Reached by telephone, Proebstle declined to comment.

Gregory has been with PMH only since April. He previously worked for 25 years at the Courier-Post, where current Philly Media Holdings VP Mark Frisby served as publisher from 2001 until he joined the Philly papers roughly one year ago. Frisby announced Gregory’s promotion earlier this week in a staff memo that never even mentions Proebstle, who, according to a bio still available online, “started with Philadelphia Newspapers in January 2002 and during his over 4 years of tenure has consistently achieved market share gains versus the other print media in the marketplace.”

Frisby, Tierney and Gregory did not return calls requesting an interview. — Steve Volk