After all the name calling and hullabaloo here over the National Lampoon Comedy House, which opened last Friday with a thoroughly unhilarious show, Daily News gossipist Dan Gross today reports that the club has already closed. But don’t fear — on their website, they promise “a one-night special event at a club (TBD) on Friday, October 24th to announce the Grand Prize and First Prize Winners, as well as the Finalists, of [the] ‘Make Us Laugh: Tell Us Your Best Joke’ contest held earlier this month.” We can’t wait.

I’ve bought my fair share of barrettes and ponytail holders at CVS. But when you’re planning to clip back your hair for the wedding of someone who writes a style blog (ahem, see Thursday), Goody just won’t cut it. So I picked up a sweet Tige Boule (apparently French for “good barrette for girls with extremely fine hair”) by France Luxe for the occasion (this Saturday). I love the pretty pattern and the classic feel. Did I mention it’s from France? While I’m sure my hair won’t be at the top of her mind, I know the bride would be pleased if she knew.

Oh, I bought my barrette at Tselaine (1927 Walnut Street, Philadelphia, 215-301-4752) where the jewelry, clutches and fun little hair things will make you want to get all dolled up for a no-particular-reason night out.

Dear Adam,

I have to admit it. When I first tuned into this season’s Next Food Network Star I was skeptical about you, our hometown hero. The Smoked Joint, the now-closed barbecue restaurant you owned, was barely a hit. (But maybe that had more to do with its cursed location than the cooking.) And I still remember the restaurant’s use of inappropriate slogans — “Now that’s a great rack” and “Nobody beats our meat” — which hardly inspired me to start your fan club.

But somehow you won me over. Maybe it was your glee when you correctly identified the acorn-rich diet of black Iberico pigs. You graciously credited your education at Amada, where you’ve worked as a server. Maybe it was when you were being constantly cut down for your cooking while other competitors were clearly in worse shape. Maybe my Philly pride got the best of me. No matter. By the season finale, I was enthusiastically rooting for you.

I think you were robbed. I’m sorry you didn’t win your own show, but I’d be happy to see you bring your new celebrity and approachable cooking style back to Philly. Just pick a better location this time.

Sincerely,
Joy Manning

The hordes of devotees of the $3 Jim Beam and Pabst “Special” at legendary South Street dive Bob & Barbara’s will have to go elsewhere for their booze for the time being as the bar was closed by L&I on Friday night for a variety of violations. Something about extension cords and a blocked fire exit. Management tells us that they hope to be reopened by the weekend. In the meantime, check out a photo exhibit of Bob & Barbara’s shots at Amble Gallery through August 3rd.

UPDATE (7/31): No word on when Bob & Barbara’s will reopen, but certainly not this weekend. Workers are in there now trying to get the venue up to code. In yesterday’s Metro, one neighbor likened L&I to the Gestapo.

It’s not looking like the fabled W Hotel is actually, like ever, going to open in Center City — ground hasn’t been broken and phone calls are not being returned. (All this hush-hush drama reminds me of another W, no?) And here at 1818 Market Street, the Good Life style team is coming to terms with the fact that we won’t ever get a Bliss Spa — they come in many Ws — or their ouch-less, razor-burn-less bikini waxes.

But, there has been some actual exciting hotel news and it does include a W. Sorta.

Next week, August 8th, marks the official opening of Aloft, Starwood’s budget-friendly, very Euro-like hotel concept at Philadelphia International, shown. In true Starwood fashion, it’s sleek and sophisticated, has an indoor pool, and is pet-friendly. (Oh yeah, and they’ll wash your car, too.) Splurge for the high-end rooms — they are still less than $200 a night. We’ll keep you updated on more Aloft area openings.

Back in Center City, where people you know might actually want to stay (no offense Philly International), The Independent is a new 24-room spot that calls itself a boutique hotel, which opened in the Gayborhood about a month ago. It’s got a huge mural by local artist Kim Senior that’s very cool, has updated rooms (plasma, fancy bedding), and serves breakfast — making it more of a really hip B&B than a boutique hotel in our minds. Which isn’t a bad thing. Rooms start at $129.

It’s hard not to get swept up in the creative cocktail wave washing over the city. One of our favorites, the Green Day Martini at Table 31, recently came off the menu. Our source tells us it will be back on in a couple of weeks, but why wait? We’ve got the recipe for this refreshing cucumber-infused gin martini.

3 slices cucumber
1 tsp. simple syrup (equal parts sugar and water)
2 oz. Hendrick’s gin
1 oz. Sweet and Sour Mix (available at your area Wine & Spirits Shoppe)
Ice

In a cocktail shaker, muddle cucumber with simple syrup. Add gin and sour mix. Fill with ice, shake and strain into martini glass. Serves 1.

Before opening Zahav, restaurateur Steve Cook and chef Michael Solomonov took the kitchen crew on a tour of Israel to inspire the cooking. Their excitement is contagious. The pan-global cuisine of Israel, Solomonov’s native country, is shockingly simple for fare so delicious, and while there’s a laid-back vibe in Zahav’s airy dining room, where meals are served family-style, the food is flawless. Passion is palpable in every bite of the crisp, bright salads, creamy hummus and earthy skewers that make up a meal at the city’s best new restaurant.

For our other 298 winners in food, fun, service and more, pick up the 35th anniversary issue of Best of Philly — on newsstands now!

Last weekend, I hit the boardwalk to shop for a birthday present for my roommate. Would she prefer a tie-dye Ocean City sweatshirt or a Lifeguard hoodie? Just when I’m about to succumb to buying her a box of salt water taffy, The Islander comes to my rescue. Like Anthropologie for the beach crowd, The Islander’s plentiful racks have Silver jeans and Free People shirts and dresses. There’s great hostess gifts, too: picture frames, candles and books like Life is Sweet by Addie Johnson and 8789 Words of Wisdom by Barbara Ann Kipfer. For my roommate, I snag a peace sign necklace by Dogeared.

Then it’s time to reward myself for all of my hard work. My small splurge this week is the Sade clutch by Matt and Nat ($90, shown). The line’s bags are made of vegan materials, so I can feel good about my choice and still be in style. — Jenna Frimmel

MUSIC
Something is truly wrong with the world when the incomparable, TCB’ing Aretha Franklin can’t sell out a 1,000-seat venue in Atlantic City. This large-and-in-charge queen of soul — the first black woman to appear on the cover of Time, the first woman inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, recipient of both the Kennedy Center Honor and the Presidential Medal of Freedom — thunders into the Borgata’s Music Box tonight, and y’all better pay her some R-E-S-P-E-C-T. A good number of $95 tickets remain.

It’s true that he probably would have been better off without his rather lackluster performance on the recent American Idol finale. But George Michael has, in his 25 years that mattered on this planet, given us a truly awesome catalog of music, from his “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” days with Wham! to his extensive solo career that bawdied up MTV with “I Want Your Sex” and an inspirational sing-a-long with “Freedom 90.” Plus, there were all those nasty narcotic-fueled tabloid headlines that entertained us when his creative juices weren’t flowing so hard. Saturday, Michael brings big videoscreens — and equally big sunglasses — to the Wachovia Center. $25 to $253.

COMEDY
Looking and sounding like she could be straight out of South Philly, Tammy Pescatelli — whom you might recognize from seasons two and three of Last Comic Standing — goes for laughs at Helium tonight and Saturday night. Though she tends to do a lot of mafia and Italian humor in her set, she’s also funny when talking about bicycle-riding pimps and their toothless hookers. And plus, she’s kinda hot in that Saturday-night-at-the-Lagoon kind of way. $10 to $15.

The real fallout of LarryGate®: Philebrity unleashed both barrels this morning on Dan Gross and Michael Klein for their part in escalating the Alycia Lane/Larry Mendte debacle. Choicest bit: “Gross in particular seems entirely unwilling to admit he was punked on a very crucial level. Forget all this bravado he’s been spooning out about how ‘I do not discuss sources, ever’ lately, because that is just bullshit. … Meanwhile, the whole mess — in which Gross was a pawn, and should admit such status — nearly ruined the career of a woman on the verge of huge success.” [Philebrity]

Not a pleasing finish for Berwyn bordello owners: Three owners of Berwyn’s Swan Day Spa were arrested yesterday and charged with conspiracy related to operating a brothel. The charges follow a two-year probe investigating the business after two illegal Chinese immigrants — who came to work at the alleged spa thinking they were going to be masseuses, but instead were asked to shower with clients and massage their, uh, nether regions — ran away from the spa and informed the police. [Daily News]

Rates rising at the airport: The Philadelphia Parking Authority has announced that parking rates will increase at Philly International on August 1st, rising about $2 for stays of longer than two hours. The proceeds will go to the airport and help keep down the airline’s rents. [NBC 10]