I also hate to sound like some oldhead bitching and moaning about the kids today. But when the FDA announced it was banning these drinks on Wednesday, I couldn’t argue with the crackdown. What happened to change my mind? I actually tried the stuff.

 

…

 

The evening ended with a late-night trip to Little Pete’s for a cheeseburger deluxe, and I finally felt like I was running on empty. What happened the morning after was a complete shock — I woke up with no hangover whatsoever. Maybe that greasy meal helped matters, and thanks to the caffeine, I was wide awake at 8:30 a.m. Still, I expected to feel that old familiar jackhammer in my head, at least. By mid-afternoon, I needed a nap that was more like a coma than a snooze. But otherwise, I emerged miraculously unscathed from my tangle with Four Loko.

 

Of course, I’m not the target audience, most of whom probably wouldn’t be so lucky after a Loko-fueled night. If you traveled back in time and gave me and my 21-year-old pals a few alcoholic energy drinks, someone would have ended up in a hospital, in jail, on the local news, or perhaps all three. Now that Four Loko is synonymous with danger, that’s essentially a challenge for kids to do the dumb things that kids do, like beer-bong two Lokos at once, as one college-age guy demonstrates in a YouTube video. It’s hard to watch that clip, knowing how potent just one can is. So kids, keep doing your keg stands and your Jagerbombs and your shotguns and trust me. One day, when you’re old, you’ll be thankful that Four Loko isn’t on the menu anymore.