I thought I made it very clear that my recent list of the five funniest Philadelphia-area people on Twitter was much like every college paper I have ever written: neither comprehensive nor well researched with hopes that no one would notice. Quite frankly, by using the laugh-out-loud funny tweets of others I was able to put together a hilarious column without any real effort or talent on my part. It was slacker genius!
But, alas, people are dead serious about this comedy thing. I have since been inundated with reminders of exactly how many funny Philly people I missed. And now I find myself having to add to the list of the five funniest, making it the 10 funniest, in no particular order.
I will start with a tweet I got from someone called @DearStabby, aka Ms. Offalmunger (if that means something obscene, please forgive me. I’m over 50). Stabby took exception to my safe, Seinfeld comedy sensibilities and thought I should give into the dark side of Philadelphian Twitter comedy. He wrote,
There are lots of us locals. Some push the limits on what is “funny”. A few: @DrFingerblaster @DJSLEAZY @xzqx @bigTlittleODD
I read and liked them all, but they all should have a Parental Advisory. I’ll start the new list with one of them.
Todd T, @bigTlittleODD, indentifies himself only as POI. His profile only says “Humble Person Extraordinaire.” Here are some recent tweets:
I seriously need to build up a better tolerance for planking. I keep falling asleep everytime.
Maybe squirrels shouldn’t be camouflaged the same color as pavement.
*sighs* I wish there were more people named weiner.
I was also informed by Nikki, aka @SquirrelJustice, who topped my list last week, that I missed this local tweeting legend:
molly, @Molly_Kats; her profile says “Serial plant killer. I hate my upstairs neighbor.” Recent tweets:
Unfocusing my eyes to make people less ugly, but it’s not working.
What’s the opposite of unraveling? I’d like to do that.
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
Jay Black, Chip Chantry and Blake Wexler are all local standup comics who have nice-size followings. I know that now from the emails and tweets I got that they should be on any list of the area’s funniest. I amend that oversight now.
Jay Black, @jayblackcomedy. Profile: Federal Boob Inspector, pending the outcome of my lawsuit with the US Government and the Acme Novelty Wallet Card Company. Recent Tweets:
FACT: PhDs who aren’t MDs, but still insist on being called Doctor are douches, with the exception of Dr. Demento, Dr. Detroit, & Dr. Mario.
Still on vacation. How can you tell it’s Saturday night at the Jersey Shore? Thousands of seagulls, all dead from Axe Body Spay poisoning.
At LA 7-11 I saw Chaz Bono and said “Can I have your autograph Gov. Christie” and she ripped out a fire hydrant and threw it at me.
Chip Chantry, @ChipChantry. Profile: Comedian. Descendant of apes. Ancestor of blood-thirsty robots. Recent Tweets:
Justin Timberlake & partners just purchased MySpace for $35 million. In a related story, Joey Fatone bought a futon off of craigslist.
The Pope just joined twitter. And Martin Luther unfollowed him.
I hope the Westboro Baptist Church protests a Mets game. Then, all of the worst people in the world would be in one place at the same time.
Blake Wexler, @BlakeWComedy. Profile: Up and coming comedian, nice young man. Host of the Drive with Me w/Blake Wexler podcast on iTunes. Recent Tweets:
ATTENTION FAMILY: If Firefox on my computer ever asks you to “Restore Previous Session”, it’s in both our best interests that you don’t.
Terrell Owens undergoes surgery on his ACL. Worst case scenario: he’s out all season. Best case? He never plays again.
Every four months I try to go out for a jog. Afterward, my body always says to me, “What the f–was that all about?”
So there you have it. My list of the five funniest Philadelphians on Twitter has grown to 10 and is still woefully incomplete. My research so far has come to the conclusion that there are a lot of local funny people sending a lot of funny tweets. I also have found out that funny people like to be on lists. Like @pb609plus1, aka Paul Brown, who tweeted this: @LarryMendte Larry, I’d like to think that I’d make it into the top 60 or so.
To which I tweeted back: @pb609plus1 Paul, I’d like to think you have higher aspirations. But if the editors @PhillyMag allow this list to grow to 60, you’re in!