20 Signs She’s a Keeper

Dear Monica,
I have been dating a woman all summer and want to know how can I be sure if she’s the one, or yet another mistake?
-J.P. Rosemont, PA

Now that summer is over, it’s time for a temperature read. Are you dating a “keeper?” How will you know if you’re with someone who may not go the distance? Here is a list to help guide your heart and head. It’s my opinion that the key to a happy relationship boils down to your partner having many of the following attributes:

o She is your biggest fan.
o She makes you a priority. Yes you, not her friends, take up her free time.
o She makes your life happier, easier, and always has your back.
o She knows when to let her hair down at appropriate times. She is not always on and perfectly put together. All that matchy-matchy nonsense is fake as can be.
o She doesn’t talk about or compare you to her exes.
o She’s financially stable. She understands your financial stress and does not add to it with petty stupid lifestyle demands. She is happy to contribute to weekend plans and vacations. Everything is not on your plate.
o She makes you laugh and better yet, she can laugh at herself.
o She cares about what is important to you and takes a vested interest in it.
o She can mingle and start her own conversations at your work functions, social gatherings, and with family and friends… and they really enjoy her company.
o She understands you have to work long hours or on the weekends.
o She values what you do for her, big or small, money-related or not.
o She has a purpose, whether it’s in business or philanthropy. She has a passion for life. She does not just lunch and shop!!
o She has a sunny disposition. She can find the positive in just about anything.
o She processes things that bother her and communicates this to you. There is no game playing or manipulation.
o She has great friendships with family and friends (some long-term friend,s too….not new ones every week). She also gets along with her parents, siblings and children. Watch out for those who can’t be with their own family or their own family does not want to be with them.
o She is fit, active and curious about the world that surrounds us.
o Her value system is similar to yours.
o She is a giver, not a taker.
o She is all heart and acceptance when it comes to those who are important to you (i.e. your children, family, and friends). This is not just an act to get a rock on her finger.
o She’s drama-free. You don’t have to worry about coming home to a “manure” storm or wondering what the mood “du jour” is.

So my question to you is……does the current woman you are dating meet these criteria? If not, you need to make sure you’re not settling. The holiday season is right around the corner. Before you know it we’ll be ringing in the New Year. Be true to yourself. She can be beautiful and good in bed, but does she fit the forever package? If you are unsure about the above criteria, then the answer is unequivocally NO.

Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles. Please send your questions to: monica@selectivesearch.com