Assuming you’ve been spending any time at all on Facebook or other time-wasting websites this week, you know that a Polish dentist got revenge on her ex-boyfriend by pulling out all of his teeth. The Polish Dentist Revenge is a good one for sure, but there are plenty of other ways to get back at the one you love, or at least used to love. Here, I bring you nine of themâ€”with visual aid.
1. The C-Span 2 Revenge
Todd Seavey and Helen Rittelmeyer were invited to participate in a panel discussion about the book Proud to Be Right: Voices of the Next Conservative Generation. (Both contributed essays.) Rittelmeyer looks like she’s probably seriously uptight, but not so according to Seavey. “It might come as a surprise to some of you to know that Helen and I dated for two years,” declares Seavey. “Not just because we have ideological differences, but because there are probably some people in this room who also dated Helen during those two years.” It gets worse from there.
2. The Billboard Revenge
Charles Phillips, the CEO of Oracle, and YaVaughnie Wilkins, a beautiful onetime model and Bill Clinton campaigner (go figure), dated for more than eight years, most of it while Phillips was married. After they broke up, embarrassing billboards advertising their relationship went up in Times Square, Atlanta and San Francisco. Phillips is now divorced and the CEO of another company, while Wilkins sells those little deodorizing tubes that fit in the middle of a roll of toilet paper.
3. The Smashed Minivan Revenge
I have no idea what the back story is here, but in this video titled “Woman Takes Revenge On Cheating Husband,” a French-speaking lady takes her revenge using an SUV.
4. The Chimney Revenge
Evansville, Indiana man Alejandro Valencio stayed out late partying. When he got home, his girlfriend wouldn’t let him in, so he decided to enter through the chimney. Although a skinny man, he got stuck and rescue workers had to tear apart the house inside in order to extract him. After he was treated at the hospital, Valencio went back to the house, where his girlfriend struck him with a bottle and garbage can, all while the news camera rolled.
5. The George Harrison Revenge
In this 1980s video, Italian actress/model Lory Del Santo sports a tight black leather dress while slithering around on a blue chaise on some Italian TV version of Telemundo’s Sabado Gigante. Later, she would marry Eric Clapton, who was divorced from Patti Boyd, whom Clapton had stolen away from George Harrison. (It is said that Clapton wrote “Layla” for Boyd while she was married to the ex-Beatle.) Del Santo and Clapton had a son, the same one who tragically fell 53 floors to his death in New York City. As if that wasn’t all awful enough, Del Santo later said that Clapton became withdrawn after their son’s death (imagine that) and that she chose to get back at him by sleeping with, yep, George Harrison.
6. The InSinkerator-ed Penis Revenge
Sure, Lorena Bobbit cut off husband John’s penis. But surgeons were able to reattach his member, and John went on to enjoy a career in pornography while Lorena was recently working in a beauty salon. California’s Catherine Becker may have learned from Lorena’s mistake. In 2011, according to police, Becker invited her estranged husband over for dinner, drugged him, tied him to the bed, cut off his penis, and threw it into the garbage disposal. Becker has pleaded not guilty and awaits trial.
7. The Good Old Double Murder Revenge
Any chance to incorporate Meredith Baxter-Birney into a list is one that should not be missed. In 1992, a few years after the end of her hit sitcom Family Ties, she took on the murderous role of Betty Broderick in TV movie A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story. Broderick was a mild-mannered, Tupperware-selling suburban housewife and mother of four whose husband left her for another woman. Broderick started to unravel, bought a gun, stole a key to her ex’s new house from one of their daughters, and went in and shot him and his new girl, killing them both. Broderick is still sitting in prison, and two of her children are actively campaigning to keep her there.
8. The Krazy Glue Revenge
A married Wisconsin man wasn’t just two-timing his wife. He was cheating on her with three different women, simultaneously. The women found out about each other, and one of them lured him to a motel with the promise of a bound, blindfolded massage. Once he was secured, the one woman texted the others, who showed up and attacked him, Krazy Gluing his penis to his stomach and slapping him. And just how did the gals get tipped off about their little love quadrangle? The tipster was the Krazy Glued guy’s wife, who, along with the three attackers, pleaded no contest and got probation.
9. The Boiled Bunny Revenge
I’m not sure if anyone has ever actually boiled a bunny to exact revenge on an ex-lover, but it sure does make for good cinema.