Dear Monica, How do you know when it is time to stop kissing a frog, because he is not going to be your prince? —T.C., Haverford
The best strategy when dating is to look at the writing on the wall to determine whether you should get out quickly or stay for the long haul. It’s important to remember that you are not going to change a person so know your deal breakers and don’t bend on them. If you find yourself hoping that he will change, that is a sign you should get out. If you are happy, smiling and daydreaming about him, you should stay. Here are some other signals that the relationship is a keeper:
- He does what he says he is going to do. As fundamental as this sounds, how often does this really happen? He calls when he says he is going to call. He is on time for dates. He introduces you to his family and friends. These are signs that he is the real deal and he wants you to be part of his world.
- He is confident and engaging. Yes, women are turned on by men who are assertive, but not those who are overpowering. Females, like men who take the lead, are interesting and sophisticated. On the flip side being braggy, aggressive and chest pounding is a real turn off.
- He has a good sense of humor. Humor is an attribute that makes us yearn for more interaction. I am not taking about making jokes, but rather about wit and the ability to laugh.
- He asks about you. A two-way conversation is key. No one wants to hear about him all day long. Make sure he is interested in your career, your interests and your family and friends. Women want a guy who is genuine and understands how to communicate. If conversation immediately reverts back to his wonderfulness, you may have a problem on your hands.
- He is trying too hard to impress. You are not interested in his net worth, possessions or people he knows. He may know the Who’s-Who of Philly, but what does that have to do with your relationship? See if there is something real beneath his slickness. If not move upward and onward.
- He is giving you his full attention. Is he distracted while you are chatting? Is he looking around the restaurant for who he may know? Is the cell in his pocket or on the table? You will get an innate sense if you are his top priority pretty quickly.
- His goals are similar to yours. Get him talking about his life, his values and what makes him happy. If you both share the same outlook on life, see the world through similar lenses and share like-minded morals, you’ve got a foundation so keep on going.
Your time is valuable and you should be looking for quality. If there are bad vibes, be diplomatic and exit as quickly as possible. If your gut is telling you that there is potential, stick with it and be patient. Rome was not built in a day and slow and steady does win the race. In any dating scenario treat him the way you would want to be treated. If all else fails, he may turn out to be a good friend.