Dating Blogger: Guys in Philly Don’t Put A Lot of Effort Into Anything

How would you describe your blog, Shmitten Kitten?
It’s a blog about dating for people who’d probably never read a blog about dating. I don’t take it too seriously—it’s an unconventional approach to something that’s been done a million times before.

Like?
The kinds of things I criticize about guys aren’t really anything I’ve seen before. I have the whole “Boner Killer” series about things guys do that bum me out. A lot of dating sites criticize boring things—like, he didn’t get you the right flowers. That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard. I dive into one particular thing—something in his house that makes me sad, or some item of clothing. Like, I hate when there’s too much embellished embroidery on a back pocket.

You’re six-foot-one, but have a rule about only dating shorter guys.
The sweet spot is about five-six to five-eight.

Does that qualify as a fetish?
No, it’s just a preference. I have big boobs, and it’s so nice to hug a dude who can appreciate that. If a guy’s really tall, he doesn’t even feel it. Nothing. It’s like bumping up against a kneecap.

The title of your new memoir is Clearly, I Didn’t Think This Through. Explain.
I’m very impulsive, and I really don’t think 10 feet past my face. That seemed to be the concept that every chapter had in common. And also it refers to the fact that I’m in my 30s and I had to move home to my pa­rents’ house in Moorestown. I think there’s this sense with my generation that, like, when you take out student loans, you don’t know what that means. Now it means I’m living at my parents’ house.

What are the pros and cons of living with Mom and Dad?
The biggest pro is food-shopping. That’s the highlight of my life—going to Wegmans. My mom has an open-cart policy; she’ll pay for anything. My dad definitely doesn’t, so I don’t go food-shopping with him. He made me buy my own maxi pads once. He, like, put the divider down on the conveyer belt.

How’s the dating scene in Philadelphia?
Guys in Philly, they really don’t put a lot of effort into anything. I lived in Chicago, I lived in New York City. And I’ve been really struck by the differences in how guys behave. Guys in Philly just don’t really care. I’ve had guys come up to me and tell me they’ve had a crush on me for years. I’m like, “Why didn’t you ever do anything?” And they’re like, “Oh, I figured I’d see you next week.” There’s no urgency. They know they’ll run into you again. It’s a small town. Me and my girlfriends talk about it all the time: Guys want to watch the Phillies game. If you want to come, that’s cool. But that’s what they’re doing.

Hollywood has some interest in your blog and book.
I want to give a voice to women in a way that I don’t think Hollywood has been able to capture. That’s one of the reasons I’ve been able to find success with this blog, and hopefully with my book.

Who would play the sitcom version of you?
Zooey Deschanel—but CGIed. Just make her taller.

Is there a five-foot-seven guy who would play your love interest?
Jason Schwartzman would be great. Anyone from the Schwartzman clan. Like, I’ll settle for just anyone with the bloodline. Even a stepbrother.

This article originally appeared in the December 2012 issue of Philadelphia magazine.