This was not how this week was supposed to go for Lindsay Lohan. This was to be her comeback. LiLo Version 12.0. Anchored on a high profile, buzzy TV movie Liz & Dick, the veil of the tabloid mainstay was to have parted and we would have once again seen glimpses of the once child/teen-star. Lohan’s depiction of Elizabeth Taylor would prove she still had the acting chops, the screen presence. She was ready — and able — to work again. Instead, like previous versions before it, LiLo Version 12.0 failed. The week started with the Lifetime biopic being critically savaged and ended with Lohan arrested for third-degree assault in New York City. For someone with a decade full of no good, very bad weeks, this might be the worst.
The least fetch of them all.
Honestly, the writing was on the wall for Liz & Dick. When the press photos were released, Lohan looked passable as the younger Liz. But the images of the 26 year-old Lohan as the older Elizabeth Taylor just looked like the young actress was playing dress up, or playing a character on SNL—especially opposite the 44 year-old Grant Bowler, playing Richard Burton. (In actuality, Burton was only 7 years older than Taylor.) The trepidation proved accurate on Sunday night when it became quite obvious that Lohan was miscast as the legend. Her performance was bad. Anna Nicole Smith in Skyscraper, Lindsay Lohan in I Know Who Killed Me bad. As Entertainment Weekly’s Ken Tucker so astutely wrote: “No effort seems to have gone into Lohan’s performance other than tinting her eyes Liz-violet.” Others were less kind. Tim Goodman for The Hollywood Reporter: “Lohan as Taylor was a bad idea in the dramatic sense, but it’s pure genius both for marketing and for belly laughs and drinking games.” And while the film did attract 3.5 million viewers, it fell behind other Lifetime original movies this year, Drew Peterson: Untouchable and Abducted: The Carlina White Story.
Then news reports came out Thursday morning that Lohan had been arrested in New York City. She allegedly struck another woman in the face at a Chelsea club. Then, before being able to leave, was taken into custody. This, of course, is not Lohan’s first run-in with law enforcement. Since 2007 she has been in out of courts—on both coasts—due to DUIs, possession, and probation violations. If anything, these stories have almost become the norm for the 26 year-old.
The good that will hopefully come out of Lohan’s worst week ever is that she will go away for a while. With continued risks and little payoff, producers will stop casting her. With fewer projects, she will remove herself from temptations (places and people) and find some happiness again. With isolation, she won’t be hounded by paparazzi as much, and appear in less tabloids. With less tabloid coverage, other car-crashing starlets will fill the void. Others will replace her on people’s Celebrity Death Watch lists.
But something tells me I’m wrong. Something tells me this will merely be one of many worst weeks to come.