Dear Monica, I am finding that after the first date, I tend to not be hearing back from the guys that ask me out. Why is it so hard to get second dates?
—J. P., Chestnut Hill
First dates are typically a rough-around-the-edges, trying-to-get-to-know-one-another type situation. Due to the fact that people are usually nervous and guarded about every word that comes out of their mouth, they may inadvertently give off the vibe of not being as interested as they really are. My usual go to advice is always accept a second date, since that is the date that usually seals the deal in one way or another. I give you credit for being so open to pursuing this path and not being narrow-minded. Here are my tips for helping you land that second date:
Treat the first date less like an interview and more like a friendship. Sure you want to hear where he works and how many siblings he has, but you can talk about more than just data. Focus conversation on discovering his interests. Bring up the Superbowl, and will the Eagles ever get there again, debt ceilings, and Lance spilling his guts on Oprah. All of these things are much more interesting than each of your parents’ professions.
Be assertive when the date is over by saying “I hope we get to see each other again.” There is no reason why the ball is always in the man’s court for pursuing the next get-together. It’s 2013, get with the program.
Offer to split the bill when it comes. In most cases, he will not accept, but it shows that you do not expect him to pay. Yes, it may be a little off-putting if he takes money, but at least it shows something about him to you, and something about you to him. Men like to feel like women have financial independence and don’t take things for granted.
When planning the first date, if he asks for input, certainly offer some. If you have a favorite restaurant, suggest one where it is not too noisy so you can hear each other speak. And also one that’s not too expensive.
Think about alcohol consumption. Although it calms the nerves, it also can bring out way too much personality. As far as ordering goes, eat what you like, but perhaps save the fancy caviar and surf & turf for down the line.
I am all for fashion, but not too much skin. Look appropriate and well put-together without too much cleavage or skin-tight jeans. Sexy is what is left to the imagination.
Say thank you the next day. It is fine to do this via text, but certainly even better the old fashioned way… a phone call. I have been told time and time again how much it means for a man to get a call saying “I had a great time. Thanks for dinner.” This simple gesture is the most important tip of all. If it is meant to be, this call will land you the second date.