Stuff I Don’t Understand

From Inception to street signs to Milton Street

Geez, what a scam this Inception flick is pulling off. If you love the film, great. If you don't, it's BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET IT and you better go see it again. Now, I fell somewhere in the middle. There were certainly moments where I was confused, but it wasn't because I thought I was too stupid to understand it. I just thought it was sloppy, convoluted writing and I simply stopped caring about everything that was going on up on the screen.It was enjoyable enough, had good performances and excellent effects, but the movie never ultimately tugged at my heart like all great movies should do.

I’m Annoyed at Eminem

He and most other rappers are really angry. Which makes ME kind of angry

Who are rappers so pissed off at?Look, I like a lot of rap, I really do.  For a middle-aged white guy not raised on it, I have more than a fair amount of it on my iPod. I find the beats fun, the sampling creative, and many of the voices captivating and charismatic.BUT WHO ARE THEY SO PISSED OFF AT? On SO many tracks, there is a constant undercurrent of "woe is me, the whole world hates me" vibe.  And for the life of me I can never figure out who they're talking about. If it's a chick or the government, I get that. Marvin Gaye recorded tons of brokenhearted songs and Green Day is always pissed at the government.  We can ALL identify with that feeling.

The Worst Movie Theater in the World

Congratulations, Philadelphia, it’s right in our back yard

And the winner is?  The UA Riverview on Columbus Blvd.  I wish there was a plaque or a trophy I could give them because they have so earned it.  The experience is so bad, it's actually comical.Often throughout my 14-year career as overnight host at WIP, I have been stuck in a time no-man's land. I will have just finished performing at a private party in Pennsylvania.  It might be 1030 p.m. I have to figure out if it is worth it for me to drive all the way back into Jersey, just to get back in the car at 1 a.m. to drive back to City Ave., which is where WIP is located.

Back in Bed Again

This time with some observations about my weight, LeBron James, Psycho and speeding in Avalon

ON THE MEDICAL FRONT  (THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH THIS)In case you didn't know I had throat cancer and I was out of commission for 100 days. I'm told the tumor is gone, and all my radiation and chemo have been done for two months now. When people see or call me on the air,  they all say the same thing: "Glad you're feeling better."But I'm not. I am down to 188 pounds, which might have been my EIGHTH GRADE weight.  A week ago I was beginning to eat a little here, a bite there, and I had scratched and clawed myself up to 196.  Then it all went to pot (I wish). Everything started tasting like wet cement and I totally stopped eating solid food again. I am so weak that just switching sides on the pillow takes massive strength. If Elaine Benes gave me one of those little chest shoves she'd push me into the middle of next week.

What Would Tony Soprano Do?

There’s a reason we glorify mobsters — as I discovered last weekend at the Shore

Amongst men, REAL MEN, The Godfather is generally considered to be the Greatest Movie Ever Made. There's barely a man alive worth his salt who can't quote entire passages from it. It's a perfect film that over the decades has generated two minor arguments that could be considered flaws.One, it's not as good as Godfather II. This is utter nonsense. II does not have Sonny Corleone. They shot him in the first one. Out on the Causeway. Remember? That alone (although there are many other reasons) separates the original from the sequel Not that I don't love II, I do, but facts are facts and it simply does not stand up to The Godfather.

Everybody Into the Pool!

To a kid growing up in Philly, nothing says summer like that first splash

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. Famous book, famous movie. Had I written that book based on my surroundings it would have been called A Swimming Pool Opens in Southwest Philly. That's how important that day was to every grubby child who ever ran away from a cop because someone had just opened a fire hydrant. While no day tops Christmas morning to a kid, the opening of the public swimming pool sure came damn close.It was a world before air conditioning. NOTHING had air conditioning. Cars didn't have it. Trolleys didn't have it. Schools didn't have it! Can you imagine that? Schools without air conditioning? It was awful enough getting the shit kicked out of you by Sister Charles Bronson day after day, but to sit at the same desk, hour after hour, sweating like Mike Tyson at a beauty pageant, was just too much.Ask any cop who works a tough rowhome area of the city and they'll tell you how quickly violence will erupt when the heat and humidity areoff the charts. (By the way, wouldn't you just love to nail thejackass who first coined "it ain't the heat, it's the humidity?" IT'SFUCKING HOT! Who gives a shit why it is?) Everyone living right ontop of each other. It's a wonder there's not more murders during the summer.

From the Bed of Big Daddy Graham

The tumor is gone...and I’m tired of talking about cancer

ON THE MEDICAL FRONTTo Whom It May Concern,That's it!Yep, that's it. THAT'S IT!!! The tumor is gone. It's been a month since my last radiation and chemo treatment. A full month. I've been back on the air and doing my comedy shows and Quizzo nights and whatnot almost the same amount of time. I'm back to the real world.However, because the majority of people on this planet are kind and polite ( with the amazing amount of generosity that was heaped on me, I believe that more than ever), there's no escaping for me. Every time I bump into someone who has not seen me since this ordeal began, they naturally wants to talk to me about it. I can't complain about this. If someone I knew had battled cancer and I saw them at a party, I ABSOLUTELY would want to find out how they're doing.

From the Bed of Big Daddy Graham

The tumor is gone, the treatments are over. And there’s one person who got me through it

ON THE MEDICAL FRONTMaybe this blog will get me laid.I first met my wife at a house party 30 years ago. She was a gorgeous, dark-haired beauty with a killer body and one of the most beautiful, classic faces I had ever seen. Old-school beautiful. Like Liz Taylor or Ava Gardner. With killer eyes, sexy lips, she also had this tremendous positive energy about her. She really lit up the room.So of course I immediately wanted to get in her pants.People love to talk about the divorce rate in this country. Like it's a disgrace how high it is. I think it's a miracle it's not WAY HIGHER. Over the years, my wife and I have had to make decisions over credit card payments, where we wanted to live, how many kids we wanted, medical insurance, car insurance, home insurance. We've had to put up with each others' in-laws. On top of this, we have had to live with each other EVERY FUCKING DAY!

From the Bed of Big Daddy Graham

This week: Those liars who tell me I look great, who should play me in the movie of my life, and five things I can’t wait to eat when I get my taste buds back

ON THE MEDICAL FRONTOne of my favorite lines in movie history is from the Vietnam War epic Apocalypse Now. "Never get out of the boat!" Then there's "Never let anyone outside the family know what you're thinking!" from The Godfather.Well, no one has filmed a flick based on my life yet, but they will and I think Denzel Washington should portray me, don't you? Can't you just here the ad?"Denzel Washington IS Big Daddy Graham."Well, if there was ever a movie based on what I have gone through the last three months, it would most definitely have to include this line. NEVER LOOK IN THE FUCKING MIRROR!